


Bloodlust (SEASON TWO, EPISODE THREE)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [26]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bloodlust, Canon, Episode: s02e03 Bloodlust, Gordon Being an Asshole, Gordon debute, Screenplay/Script Format, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Dean encounta a vampire hunta whose obsession may git dem all capped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

_Red Lodge, Montana_

EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

A lil' biatch is hustlin all up in a thugged-out dark forest. Creepy beatz. Drop dis like itz hot! Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch trips n' falls. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch stops behind a tree n' her pursuer runs past. Relaxing, thankin her big-ass booty safe, her big-ass booty steps up fo' realz. A big-ass hook appears, slices her head off.

 


	2. ACT ONE

EXT. ROAD- DAY

Soundtrack: AC/DC "Back In Black"

Da Metallicar zooms up a 2-lane, driven by Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude is up in a phat vibe, groovin along ta his crazy-ass beatz. Drop dis like itz hot! Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Several gratuitous shotz of tha shininizz of tha Impala.

 **DEAN  
** Whoo! Listen ta her purr playa! Has you done eva heard anythang so dope?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, if you two wanna git a room, just let me know, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, don't dig him, baby yo. Dude don't KNOW us. 

 **SAM (laughs)  
** Yo ass is up in a phat vibe.

 **DEAN  
** Why shouldn't I be?

 **SAM  
** No reason.

 **DEAN  
** Got mah car, gots a cold-ass lil case, thangs is lookin up.

 **SAM  
** Wow. Give you a cold-ass lil couple severed headz n' a pile of dead cows n' you Mista Sunshine.

 **DEAN laughs.  
** How tha fuck far ta Red Lodge?

 **SAM  
** Uh, bout another three hundred miles.

 **DEAN**  
Good.  
(he floors it)

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - DAY

In Red Lodge, a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sheriff wit a impressive mustache is poppin' off ta Sam n' Dean, whoz ass is posin as hustlas.

 **SHERIFF  
** Da cappin' investigation is ongoing, n' thatz all I can share wit tha press at dis time. 

 **SAM  
** Sure, sure, we KNOW dat yo, but just fo' tha record, you found tha first, uh, head last week, erect?

 **SHERIFF  
** Mm-hmm.

 **SAM  
** Okay, n' tha other, a uh, Christina Flanigan,

 **SHERIFF**  
That was two minutes ago. Is there --   
(A lil' biatch knocks on tha door, points at her watch.)  
Oh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry thugs, timez up, our phat asses done here.

 **SAM  
** One last question -- 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, what tha fuck bout tha cattle?

 **SHERIFF  
** Excuse me son?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, tha cows found dead, split open, drained ... over a thugged-out dozen cases.

 **SHERIFF  
** What bout them?

 **SAM  
** So you don't be thinkin there be a a cold-ass lil connection?

 **SHERIFF  
** Connection ... with..., biatch? 

 **SAM  
** First cattle mutilations, now two murders, biatch? Kinda soundz like ritual stuff. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, like satanic cult ritual stuff?

 **SHERIFF**  
(laughs)  
Yo ass - you not kidding.

 **DEAN  
** No.

 **SHERIFF  
** Those cows aren't bein mutilated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Yo ass wanna know how tha fuck I know?

 **SAM  
** How?

 **SHERIFF  
** Because there be a no such thang as cattle mutilation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Cow drops, leave it up in tha sun, within forty eight minutes tha bloat'll split it open so clean itz just bout surgical. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da bodily fluidz fall down tha fuck into tha ground n' git soaked up cuz thatz what tha fuck gravitizzle do. But, hey, it could be Satan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. What newspaper did you say you work for?

 **DEAN  
** Ghetto Weekly News...

 **SAM  
** Weekly Ghetto News.

 **DEAN  
** Ghetto - 

 **SAM  
** Weekly Ghetto - 

 **DEAN  
** Weekly... I be new. 

 **SHERIFF  
** Git outta mah crib. 

INT yo. HOSPITAL - DAY

Dean n' Sam enta tha morgue, still bustin they shirts n' tizzles from tha previous scene but now also up in white lab coats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da intern on duty has a name tag dat readz "J. Manners." Dean looks at it, calculating.

 **DEAN  
** John.

 **JEFF  
** Jeff.

 **DEAN  
** Jeff. I know dis shit. Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dworkin need ta peep you up in his crib right away. 

 **JEFF  
** But Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dworkinz on vacation.

 **DEAN**  
Well, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass back fo' realz. And he pissed, n' da perved-out muthafucka beatboxin fo' you, dude, so if I was you I would... (Dean whistles)   
(intern runs away)  
Okay.   
Yo, dem satanists up in Florida, they marked they suckas, didn't they?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, reversed pentacle on tha forehead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So much f'd up crap happens up in Florida. 

DEAN handz SAM a pair of latex gloves n' puts on a pair of his own; SAM opens a cold-ass lil compartment n' wheels up a cold-ass lil corpse; there be a a funky-ass box between its legs.

 **DEAN  
** All right, open dat shit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass open dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Wuss. 

DEAN carries tha box over ta another table n' flips off tha lid, grimacing. SAM approaches, cringing. 

 **DEAN  
** Well, no pentagram.

 **SAM  
** Wow. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Skanky girl.

 **DEAN  
** Maybe we should, uh, you know, look up in her grill, peep if dem wackos stuffed anythang down her throat. Yo ass know, kinda like tha moth up in Silence of tha Lambs.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, here, go ahead.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, you go ahead.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** "Put tha lotion up in tha basket." (quotin from Silence of tha Lambs)

 **SAM**  
Right, yeah, I be tha wuss, huh, biatch? Whatever n' shit.   
(SAM steels his dirty ass n' starts pokin his wild lil' fingers tha fuck into tha grill.)  
Dean, git me a funky-ass bucket?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass find something?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I be goin ta puke. 

 **DEAN  
** Wait, lift tha lip up again?

 **SAM  
** What, biatch? Yo ass want me ta throw up, is dat it?

 **DEAN**  
Fuck dat shit, no, no, I be thinkin I saw something.   
(Dude pulls back tha lip)  
What tha fuck iz that, a hole?

DEAN presses on tha gum n' a narrow, sharp tooth descends.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but a tooth.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, thatz a gangbangin' fang. Retractable set of vampire fangs. Yo ass gotta be kiddin mah dirty ass. 

 **SAM  
** Well, dis chizzlez thangs.

 **DEAN  
** Ya think?

EXT. BAR - NIGHT

DEAN n' SAM pull up near a local bar, go round ta park. They go into:

INT. BAR - NIGHT

DEAN n' SAM approach tha bar; a playa (GORDON) chillin at a table ta one side is watchin dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Howz it going?

 **BARTENDER  
** Livin tha dream. What can I git fo' yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** Two brews, please.

 **SAM  
** So, our slick asses lookin fo' some people. 

 **BARTENDER  
** Sure yo. Hard ta be lonely.

 **SAM**  
Yeah. But um, thatz not what tha fuck I meant.  
(Dude pulls up a $50 bill, fingerin it, n' drops it on tha bar; bartender looks at it, then takes it)  
Right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So these, these people, they would have moved here bout six months ago, probably pretty rowdy, like ta drink...

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, real night owls, you know, biatch? Sleep all day, jam all night. 

 **BARTENDER  
** Barker farm gots leased up a cold-ass lil couple months ago. Real ballas. They've been up in here a shitload - drinkers. Noisy. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I had ta 86 dem once or twice. 

 **DEAN  
** Thanks.

They leave they half-finished brews on tha table n' muthafuckin bounce. Da playa whoz ass was watchin dem is gone, a smolderin blunt left behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As DEAN n' SAM leave, tha playa watches, then stalks dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They go down a alley, he bigs up yo. Dude loses sight of them, turns. DEAN n' SAM is suddenly there, pinnin his ass ta tha wall, DEAN wit a knife at his cold-ass throat.

 **DEAN  
** Smile.

 **GORDON  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Show our asses dem pearly whites. 

 **GORDON**  
Oh, fo' tha ludd of -- you wanna stick dat thang someplace else, biatch? I aint a vampire.   
(SAM frowns)  
Yeah, thatz right. I heard you muthafuckas up in there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **SAM  
** What do you know bout vampires?

 **GORDON**  
How tha fuck ta bust a cap up in dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Now seriously, bro. That knifez makin me itch.   
(DEAN cocks his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da playa starts ta pull away, SAM pins his ass harder.)  
Whoa. Easy there, Chachi.  
(Dude slowly brangs his bangin right hand ta his fuckin lip, pulls it back, revealin aiiight gums.)  
See, biatch? Fangless yo. Happy?  
(DEAN lets up)  
Now. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck tha hell is yo slick ass?

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT

At tha manz car, he pulls up his thugged-out arsenal, which includes tha big-ass hook from tha teaser scene. 

 **GORDON  
** Sam n' Dean Winchesta n' shit. I can't believe dat shit. Yo ass know I kicked it wit yo' oldschool playa once, biatch? Hell of a muthafucka. Great hustla n' shit. I heard he passed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. It aint nuthin but big-ass shoes. But from what tha fuck I hear you muthafuckas fill 'em. Great trackers, phat up in a tight spot -- 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass seem ta know a shitload bout our crew. 

 **GORDON  
** Word travels fast. Yo ass know how tha fuck huntas talk. 

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, our phat asses don't, actually.

 **GORDON  
** I guess there be a a shitload yo' daddy never holla'd at you, huh?

 **SAM  
** So, um, so dem two vampires, they was yours, huh?

 **GORDON  
** Yep. Been here two weeks. 

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass hit up dat Barker farm?

 **GORDON  
** It aint nuthin but a funky-ass bust. Just a funky-ass bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could bust a cap up in you wit dat patchouli smell ridin' solo. 

 **DEAN  
** Wherez tha nest, then?

 **GORDON  
** I gots dis one covered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Look, don't git me wrong. It aint nuthin but a real pleasure meetin' you fellas. But I've been on dis thang over a year. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I capped a gangbangin' fang back up in Austin, tracked tha nest all tha way up here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I be bout ta finish dat shit. 

 **DEAN  
** We could help.

 **GORDON  
** Thanks yo, but uh, I be kind of a go-it-alone type of muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, dude, I"ve been itchin fo' a hunt. 

 **GORDON**  
Sorry. But hey, I hear there be a a Chupacabra two states over n' shit. Yo ass go ahead n' knock yourselves out.   
(Dude gets up in his car.)  
Dat shiznit was real phat meetin you, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. I be bout ta loot you a thugged-out drank on tha flip side.   
(Dude drives off)

INT. MILL - NIGHT

A playa is chillin up in tha on tha down-low mill, ridin' solo yo. Dude hears a noise, starts investigatin yo. Dude goes up ta tha roof, pulls up a cold-ass lil crowbar fo' realz. A crow flies at his head, startlin his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude chillaxes, then turns round ta find...

GORDON comin' at his ass wit a machete. Da playa extendz his wild lil' fangs. They struggle near a electric saw; tha vampire turns it on, pinnin Gordon down below it, nearly decapitatin his ass until...

SAM pulls his ass ta safety; DEAN attacks tha vampire, gettin his ass pinned under tha electric saw yo. Dude lowers tha saw, decapitatin his muthafuckin ass. Dean is sprayed wit blood.

 **GORDON  
** So uh, I guess I gotta loot you dat drink.

SAM stares at DEAN, stunned.


	3. ACT TWO

INT. BAR - NIGHT

GORDON, DEAN, n' SAM is chillin round a table up in tha bar fo' realz. A waitress brangs dem another round, DEAN reaches fo' his wallet.

 **GORDON  
** Fuck dat shit, no, I gots dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Come on.

 **GORDON**  
I insist.   
(to tha waitress)  
Nuff props, dopeie.  
(raisin his blasted glass)  
Another one bites tha dust. 

 **DEAN  
** Thatz right.

DEAN n' GORDON drank a toast; SAM is chillin back, arms folded.

 **GORDON  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (laughs) Yo ass gave dat big-ass fang one hell of a haircut, mah playa.

 **DEAN  
** Nuff props, biatch.

 **GORDON  
** That was dope naaahhmean, biatch? Absolutely dope.

 **DEAN  
** Yep. Y'all right, Sammy?

 **SAM  
** I be fine. 

 **GORDON  
** Well, lighten up a lil, Sammy.

 **SAM  
** Dat punk tha only one whoz ass gets ta booty-call me dis shit. 

 **GORDON  
** Okay. No offense meant. Just biggin' up a lil. Thang well done. 

 **SAM  
** Right. Well, decapitations aren't mah scam of a phat time, I guess. 

 **GORDON  
** Oh, come one, dude, it aint like dat shiznit was human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. You've gotta gotz a lil mo' funk wit yo' thang. 

 **DEAN  
** See, biatch? Thatz what tha fuck I've been tryin ta tell his muthafuckin ass. Yo ass could learn a thang or two from dis muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Yeah I bet I could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Look, I aint gonna brang you muthafuckas down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be just gonna go back ta tha motel.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass sure?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. 

 **DEAN**  
Sammy, biatch? Remind mah crazy ass ta beat dat buzzkill outta you later, all right?  
(Dude tosses Sam tha keys.)

 **GORDON  
** Somethang I holla'd?

 **DEAN  
** Nah, nah, he just gets dat way sometimes. Tell you what. Match you quartas fo' tha next round.

INT. MOTEL - NIGHT

SAM returns ta tha motel room, drops tha keys on a hook.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

 **DEAN  
**... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So. I pick up dis crossbow fo' realz. And I hit dat skanky sucker wit a silver-tipped arrow right up in his thugged-out ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sammyz waitin up in tha car, n' uh, me n' mah daddy take tha thang tha fuck into tha woods, burn it ta a cold-ass lil crisp. I be chillin there n' lookin tha fuck into tha fire, n' I be thankin ta mah dirty ass, I be sixteen muthafuckin years old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Most lil playas mah age is worried bout pimples, prom dates. I be seein thangs dat they'll never even know. Never even trip of. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So right then, I just sort of - 

 **GORDON  
** Embraced tha game?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **GORDON  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. How'd you git started?

 **GORDON  
** First time I saw a vampire I was barely eighteen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Home ridin' solo wit mah sista n' shit. I hear tha window break up in her room. I grab mah dadz gun, run in, try ta git it off her n' shit. Too late. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I blast tha damn thang. Which of course be bout as useful as snappin it wit a rubber band. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it rushes me, picks me up, flings me across tha room, knocks me up cold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When I wake up, tha vampirez gone, mah sisterz gone. 

 **DEAN  
** And then?

 **GORDON  
** Then... try explainin dat one ta yo' crew. So I left home. And then bummed round lookin fo' shiznit: how tha fuck you track 'em, how tha fuck you bust a cap up in 'em fo' realz. And I found dat fang - dat shiznit was mah first kill. 

 **DEAN  
** Sorry bout yo' sister.

 **GORDON  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was dope naaahhmean, biatch? I can still peep her, you know, biatch? Da way dat biiiiatch was. But hey, dat was a long-ass time ago. I mean, yo' dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but gotta be rough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yeah, you know yo. Dude was just one of dem muthafuckas. Took some shitty whoopins, just kept coming. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So you always thankin ta yo ass, he indestructible yo. Dude bout ta always be around, not a god damn thang can bust a cap up in mah dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then just like dat (snaps) he gone. I can't rap bout dis ta Sammy. Yo ass know, I gotta keep mah game grill on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (clears throat) But, uh, tha real deal is I aint handlin it straight-up well. Feel like I have dis - 

 **GORDON  
** Hole inside yo slick ass, biatch? And it just gets bigger n' bigger n' darker n' darker, biatch? Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass can use dat shit. Keeps you hungry. Trust mah dirty ass. Therez fuckloadz up there needz cappin', n' this'll help you do dat shit. Dean, it aint a cold-ass lil crime ta need yo' thang.

INT. ROADHOUSE - NIGHT

Da roadhouse is crowded, ELLEN is hustlin behind tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch hears tha beeper rang n' picks up.

 **ELLEN  
** Harvellez Roadhouse. 

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

 **SAM  
** Yo, Ellen, uh, Sam Winchester.

 **ELLEN  
** Sam, itz phat ta hear from you, biatch. Yo ass thugs is aiiight, aren't yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yeah, every last muthafuckin thangz fine. Got a question.

 **ELLEN  
** Yeah, blast.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass eva run across a muthafucka named Gordon Walker?

 **ELLEN  
** Yeah, I know Gordon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** And?

 **ELLEN  
** Well, he a real phat hustla n' shit. Why is you asking, dopeie?

 **SAM  
** Well, we ran tha fuck into his ass on a thang n' we kinda hustlin wit him, I guess. 

 **ELLEN  
** Don't do that, Sam. 

 **SAM  
** I - I thought you holla'd da thug was a phat hustla n' shit. 

 **ELLEN  
** Yeah, n' Hannibal Lecterz a phat psychiatrist. Look, he is fucked up ta mah playas n' every last muthafuckin thang round his muthafuckin ass. If da thug hustlin on a thang you thugs just let his ass handle it n' you move on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Ellen - 

 **ELLEN  
** Fuck dat shit, Sam, biatch? Yo ass -- just dig what tha fuck I be spittin some lyrics ta you, aiiight?

 **SAM  
** Right, aiiight.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

 **GORDON  
** Know why I gots a straight-up boner fo' dis game?

 **DEAN  
** Hmm?

 **GORDON  
** It aint nuthin but all black n' white. Therez no maybe. Yo ass find tha shitty thang, bust a cap up in dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, most playas spend they lives up in shadez of gray. Is dis right, biatch? Is dat wrong, biatch? Not us. 

 **DEAN  
** Not shizzle Sammy would smoke wit you yo, but uh...

 **GORDON**  
Doesn't seem like yo' brotherz much like us.   
(DEAN stares at him, startled)  
I aint sayin da thug wrong. Just different. But you n' mah crazy ass son, biatch? Us thugs was born ta do all dis bullshit. It aint nuthin but up in our blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!   
(Dean looks thoughtful)

EXT - MOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT

SAM buys a soda from a vendin machine n' starts struttin back ta tha room yo. Dude pauses as if hearin something, cautiously opens tha door, lookin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude gets inside n' leans against tha door, relieved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Suddenly a thugged-out dark figure jumps his ass from behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude knocks his wild lil' first attacker down, then tha second; tha straight-up original gangsta attacker rises up behind his ass n' slams a heavy telephone tha fuck into tha back of his head, knockin his ass out. 

CUT TO BLACK

EXT BRIDGE - NIGHT, EARLY SUNRISE

Da truck crosses a funky-ass bridge.

CUT TO BLACK

INT FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

SAM is bound ta a cold-ass lil chair n' gagged, a sack over his head; itz pulled off by tha bartender from earlier n' shiznit yo. Dude shows a shitload of fangs n' advances on SAM, whoz ass struggles. 


	4. ACT THREE

INT. NEST - NIGHT

As tha vampire advances on SAM, a biatch (LENORE) appears up in tha doorway.

 **LENORE  
** Wait son! Step back, Eli.

ELI pulls back, his wild lil' fangs retracting. Da biatch strutts over n' pulls off SAM'S gag.

 **LENORE  
** Hoes call me Lenore. I aint goin ta hurt you, biatch. Us playas just need ta talk.

 **SAM  
** Talk, biatch? Yeah, aiiight yo, but I might gotz a tough time payin attention ta much besides Eliz teeth.

 **LENORE  
** Dude won't break ma foot off up in yo ass either n' shit. Yo ass have mah word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Yo crazy-ass word, biatch? Oh yeah, pimped out, props. Listen lady, no offense but you not tha straight-up original gangsta vampire I've met. 

 **LENORE  
** We not like tha others. Us dudes don't bust a cap up in humans, n' our phat asses don't drank they blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! We aint fo' a long-ass time. 

 **SAM  
** What tha fuck iz this, some kind of joke?

 **LENORE  
** Notice you still kickin dat shit, yo. 

 **SAM  
** Okay, uh, erect me if I be wack here yo, but shouldn't you be starvin ta dirtnap?

 **LENORE  
** We've found other ways. Cattle blood.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is spittin some lyrics ta me you responsible fo' all tha -- 

 **LENORE  
** It aint nuthin but not ideal, up in fact itz disgusting. But -- it allows our asses ta git by. 

 **SAM  
** Okay, uh, why?

 **LENORE  
** Survival. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. No dirtnaps, no missin locals, no reason fo' playas like you ta come lookin fo' playas like us. We blend in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Our kind is practically extinct. Turns up we weren't like as high up tha chicken chain as we imagined. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **ELI  
** Why is we explainin ourselves ta dis killer?

 **LENORE  
** Eli!

 **ELI  
** We choke on cowz blood so dat none of dem suffer n' shit. Tonight they murdered Conrad n' they celebrated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. 

 **LENORE  
** Eli, thatz enough.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, Eli, thatz enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. 

 **LENORE  
** Whatz done is done. We leavin dis hood tonight.

 **SAM  
** Then why did you brang me here, biatch? Why is you even poppin' off ta me son?

 **LENORE  
** Believe me, I'd rather not. But I know yo' kind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Once you have tha scent you gonna keep trackin us. Well shiiiit, it don't matta where we go yo. Hustlas will find us.

 **SAM  
** So you askin our asses not ta follow you, biatch.

 **LENORE  
** Our thugged-out asses gotz a right ta live. We not hurtin mah playas.

 **SAM  
** Right, so you keep sayin yo, but give me one phat reason why I should believe you, biatch. 

 **LENORE**  
Fine. (Bitch gets up in his wild lil' face.) Yo ass know what tha fuck I be goin ta do, biatch? I be goin ta let you go.  
(Dude looks at her, startled.)  
Take his ass back. Not a mark on his muthafuckin ass. 

Two vampires lead SAM back ta tha truck, his head covered up in tha sack again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They drive off. 

INT. MOTEL - NIGHT

DEAN n' GORDON sit all up in tha table, discussin game over a map.

 **GORDON  
** This is tha dopest pattern I can establish. It aint nuthin but sketchy at best.

 **DEAN  
** Looks like itz all comin from dis side of town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Which means tha nest would be round here someplace, right?

 **GORDON  
** Yep, thatz what tha fuck I be thinking. Problem is, there be a thirty-five, forty farms up there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I searched bout half of dem already yo, but not a god damn thang yet. They're coverin they tracks real good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

 **DEAN**  
Well, I guess we'll just gotta search tha other half.   
(DEAN looks at his watch)  
What time is it, biatch? Where is Sam?

 **GORDON  
** Carz parked outside. Probably went fo' a strutt. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seems like tha take-a-walk type. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, he is yo, but...

Da door opens n' SAM entas yo. Dude gives DEAN a look. 

 **DEAN  
** Where you been?

 **SAM  
** Can I rap ta you alone?

 **DEAN**  
(to GORDON)  
Yo ass mind chillin' up fo' a cold-ass lil couple minutes?

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT

SAM n' DEAN exit tha motel room n' strutt tha fuck into tha parkin lot durin tha following.

 **SAM  
** Dean, maybe we've gots ta rethink dis hunt. 

 **DEAN  
** What is you poppin' off about, biatch? Where was yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** In tha nest.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass found it?

 **SAM  
** They found me, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** How'd you git out, biatch? How tha fuck many'd you kill?

 **SAM  
** None.

 **DEAN  
** Well Sam, they didn't just let you go.

 **SAM  
** Thatz exactly what tha fuck they done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN  
** All right, well, where is it?

 **SAM  
** I was blindfolded, I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.

 **DEAN  
** Well, you've gots ta know something. 

 **SAM  
** Us thugs went over dat bridge outside of hood yo, but Dean, listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Maybe we shouldn't go afta dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **DEAN  
** Why not?

 **SAM  
** I don't be thinkin they like other vampires. I don't be thinkin they cappin' people. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is clownin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then how tha fuck do they stay kickin it, biatch? Or undead, or whatever tha hell they are. 

 **SAM  
** Da cattle mutilations. They holla'd they live off of animal blood.

 **DEAN  
** And you believed them?

 **SAM  
** Look at me, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They let me go without a scratch. 

 **DEAN  
** Wait, so you saying... Fuck dat shit, dude, no way. I don't give a fuck why they let you go. I don't straight-up care. We find 'em, we waste 'em. 

 **SAM  
** Why?

 **DEAN  
** What part of 'vampires' don't you understand, Sam, biatch? If itz supernatural, we bust a cap up in it, end of story. Thatz our thang. 

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, Dean, dat aint our thang. Our thang is hustlin evil fo' realz. And if these thangs aren't cappin' people, they not evil!

 **DEAN  
** Of course they cappin' people, thatz what tha fuck they do. They're all tha same, Sam. They're not human, aiiight, biatch? We gotta exterminizzle every last muthafuckin last one of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, Dean, I don't be thinkin so, all right, biatch? Not dis time. 

 **DEAN  
** Gordonz been on dem vamps fo' a year, dude, he knows. 

 **SAM  
** Gordon?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is takin his word fo' it?

 **DEAN  
** Thatz right.

 **SAM  
** Ellen say da perved-out muthafucka shitty news. 

 **DEAN**  
Yo ass called Ellen?  
(SAM nods)  
And I be supposed ta dig her, biatch? We barely know her, Sam, no props, I be bout ta go wit Gordon.

 **SAM  
** Right, 'cause Gordonz such a oldschool playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Yo ass don't be thinkin I can peep what tha fuck dis is?

 **DEAN  
** What is you poppin' off about?

 **SAM  
** Dat punk a substitute fo' Dad, aint he, biatch? A skanky one. 

 **DEAN  
** Shut up, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Dat punk not even close, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Not on his dopest day. It make me wanna hollar playa! 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know what, biatch? I aint even goin ta rap bout all dis bullshit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, you slap on dis big-ass fake smile but I can peep right all up in dat shit. Because I know how tha fuck you feel, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dadz dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And he left a hole, n' it hurts so shitty you can't take it yo, but you can't just fill up dat hole wit whoever you want to. It aint nuthin but a insult ta his crazy-ass memory. 

 **DEAN  
** Okay.

Dude starts ta turn away, then punches SAM, hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM pauses, turnin back slowly yo, but not risin ta tha bait. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass hit me all you want. Well shiiiit, it won't chizzle anything. 

 **DEAN  
** I be goin ta dat nest. Yo ass don't wanna tell me where it is, fine. I be bout ta find it mah dirty ass. 

 **SAM  
** Dean?

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

DEAN returns ta tha motel room, SAM following; GORDON is gone. 

 **DEAN  
** Gordon?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass be thinkin da thug went afta them?

 **DEAN  
** Probably.

 **SAM  
** Dean, we gotta stop his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Really, Sam, biatch? Because I say our slick asses lend a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Just break off tha benefit of tha doubt, would yo slick ass, biatch? Yo ass owe me dis shit. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, we'll see. I be bout ta drive. Give me tha keys. 

SAM points ta tha table where he'd set dem earlier; they gone. 

 **SAM  
** Dude snaked tha keys. 

INT. IMPALA - NIGHT

DEAN is hotwirin his hoopty n' grimacing.

 **DEAN**  
I can't believe all dis bullshit. I just fixed her up, like a muthafucka.  
(Da hoopty starts)  
So tha bridge, is that, uh, is dat all you got?

 **SAM  
** Da bridge was four n' a half minutes from they farm. 

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck do you know?

 **SAM**  
I counted.  
(Dude starts tracin a path on tha map up in his fuckin lap.)  
They took a left outta tha farm, then turned right onto a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirt road, followed dat fo' two minutes slightly up a hill, then took another quick right n' our crazy asses hit tha bridge. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass be a monsta pain up in tha ass yo, but you good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

INT. NEST - NIGHT

LENORE is packin thangs tha fuck into boxes; ELI comes up in n' sets a funky-ass box on tha table.

 **LENORE  
** In tha truck, fuck you, biatch. 

 **ELI  
** We can't leave like all dis bullshit. Lenore. Listen ta me, we need ta stay n' fight. 

 **LENORE  
** They was mah playaz too, Eli, mah crew.

 **ELI  
** Thatz not what tha fuck I be poppin' off about. This is self-defense. Bust a cap up in or be capped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They can't hunt our asses if they dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **LENORE  
** Bustin' dem three wouldn't solve anything. Therez mo' where they came from. We out-numbered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This. This be all we can do. Try n' reason -- 

 **ELI  
** Yo ass can't reason wit these people. They're goin ta bust a cap up in our asses all anyway. We should at least take all dem of dem wit us. 

 **LENORE  
** I aint givin up hope. If we can chizzle, they can chizzle. Now go tha fuck into hood n' gather tha others. We leave before sunrise.

EXT BRIDGE - NIGHT

Gordonz red hoopty crosses tha bridge n' turns up a lil' small-ass road.

Some ways behind, SAM n' DEAN is up in tha Impala. SAM sighs, starin all up in tha map. DEAN glances at him, then looks back ta tha road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM frowns at DEAN.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

LENORE comes outta tha doggy den wit a funky-ass box, sets it on tha flatbed of a truck. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turns n' GORDON is there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Dude grabs her, raises a knife dat glistens wit blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Dude stabs it tha fuck into her chest; she goes limp.

 **GORDON  
** Dead manz blood, biiiatch.


	5. ACT FOUR

INT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Gordon dips tha knife tha fuck into a jar of blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! LENORE is tied ta a cold-ass lil chair nearby, covered up in cuts, pale n' sickly yo. Dude circlez round her, slices tha bloody knife across her chest. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch groans. SAM n' DEAN arrive.

 **GORDON  
** Sam, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Come on in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo, Gordon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Whatz goin on?

 **GORDON  
** Just poisonin Lenore here wit some dead manz blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Dat hoe goin ta tell our asses where all her lil playaz are, aren't yo slick ass, biatch? Wanna help?

 **DEAN  
** Look, playa -- 

 **GORDON  
** Grab a knife. I was just bout ta start up in on tha fingers. 

Dude drags tha knife across her arm; veins trace away from tha cut.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, letz all just chill out, huh?

 **GORDON  
** I be straight-up chill. 

 **SAM  
** Gordon, put tha knife down.

SAM steps towardz GORDON, DEAN stops his ass wit a hand on his chest. 

 **GORDON  
** Soundz like itz Sam here need ta chill. 

 **SAM  
** Just step away from her, all right?

 **GORDON**  
Yo ass is right. I be wastin mah time here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. This biiiatch aint NEVER gonna talk. Might as well put her outta her misery.   
(Dude pulls up a larger knife)  
I just sharpened it, so itz straight-up humane.

Dude turns towardz LENORE; SAM steps ta block his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Gordon, I be lettin her go.

GORDON points tha knife at SAM'S chest, stoppin his muthafuckin ass.

 **GORDON  
** Yo ass aint bustin a thugged-out damn thang. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo, hey, hey, Gordon, letz rap bout all dis bullshit. 

 **GORDON  
** Whatz there ta rap about, biatch? It aint nuthin but like I holla'd, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. No shadez of gray.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. I hear ya fo' realz. And I know how tha fuck you feel. 

 **GORDON  
** Do yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** That vampire dat capped yo' sista deserved ta die yo, but dis one...

 **GORDON**  
(laughing)  
Killed mah sister, biatch? That filthy fang didn't bust a cap up in mah sista n' shit. Well shiiiit, it turned her n' shit. Well shiiiit, it made her one of dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I hunted her down, n' I capped her mah dirty ass. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass did what?

 **GORDON  
** It wasn't mah sista no mo', it wasn't human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I didn't blink fo' realz. And neither would you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** So you knew all along, then, biatch? Yo ass knew bout tha vampires, you knew they weren't cappin' mah playas. Yo ass knew bout tha cattle fo' realz. And you just didn't care. 

 **GORDON  
** Care bout what, biatch? A nest of vampires suddenly actin sick, biatch? Takin a lil time up from suckin innocent people, biatch? And we supposed ta loot that, biatch? Trust mah dirty ass. Don't chizzle what tha fuck they is fo' realz. And I can prove dat shit. 

Dude grabs SAM'S arm, slices tha knife across it, then lays tha knife against his cold-ass throat, draggin his ass towardz LENORE. DEAN pulls his wild lil' freakadelic gun.

 **DEAN  
** Let his ass go. Now!

 **GORDON  
** Relax. If I wanted ta bust a cap up in his ass he'd already be on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Just bustin a lil point.

GORDON holdz tha cut on SAMz arm over LENORE, so tha blood drips on her face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch hisses, fangs extending.

 **DEAN  
** Yo hommie!

 **GORDON  
** Yo ass be thinkin her big-ass booty so different, biatch? Still wanna save her, biatch? Look at her n' shit. They're all tha same. Evil, bloodthirsty.

LENORE controls her muthafuckin ass, retractin her fangs, n' turns her grill away. 

 **LENORE  
** No. No.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass hear her, Gordon?

 **LENORE  
** No! No!

SAM pushes tha knife away from his cold-ass throat, n' pushes GORDON away.

 **SAM  
** Us dudes done here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **DEAN  
** Sam, git her outta here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah. 

SAM picks LENORE up in his thugged-out arms; GORDON takes a step towardz his ass yo, but DEAN still has tha glock trained on his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Uh-uh. Uh-uh! (warnin Gordon from interferin wit SAM.) Gordon, I be thinkin you n' I've gots some thangs ta rap about. 

 **GORDON  
** Git outta mah way.

 **DEAN  
** Sorry. 

 **GORDON  
** Yo ass aint straight-up n shit. 

 **DEAN  
** I be havin a hard time believin it too yo, but I know what tha fuck I saw. If you want dem vampires, you gotta go all up in mah dirty ass.

GORDON nods, thankin bout yo. Dude looks at his knife, then jams it tha fuck into tha table.

 **GORDON  
** Fine.

DEAN looks all up in tha knife, looks at his wild lil' freakadelic gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude pulls tha clip outta tha glock n' sets it aside. GORDON punches him; they start fighting. GORDON grabs tha knife again; DEAN groans. They is fairly well matched.

 **GORDON  
** What is you bustin, man, biatch? Yo ass bustin dis fo' a gangbangin' fang, biatch? Come on, Dean, we on tha same side here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **DEAN  
** I don't be thinkin so, you sadistic bastard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

GORDON throws DEAN across tha room.

 **GORDON  
** Yo ass aint like yo' brutha n' shit. Yo ass be a killa n' shit. Like mah dirty ass. 

DEAN kicks GORDON down, hauls his ass up against tha wall, n' elbows his ass up in tha face, knockin his ass out. Pinnin his ass under his wild lil' fuckin elbow, da perved-out muthafucka slams GORDON'S head tha fuck into another wall.  
Oh, sorry bout dat bullshit.  
DEAN sets his ass up in a cold-ass lil chair n' tizzles his ass up.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, I might be like you, n' I might not. But you tha one tied up n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. 


	6. ACT FIVE

INT. FARMHOUSE - MORNING

SAM returns ta find GORDON tied ta tha chair, DEAN pacing. Gordon n' Dean peep each other.

 **SAM  
** Did I miss anything?

 **DEAN  
** Nah, not much. Lenore git up aiiight?

 **SAM  
** Yeah fo' realz. All of 'em done did.

 **DEAN  
** Then I guess our work here is done yo. How tha fuck you doin', Gordy, biatch? Gotta tinkle yet, biatch? (Gordon looks at his muthafuckin ass.) All right. Well, git comfy. We bout ta call one of mah thugs up in two or three days, have dem come out, untie you, biatch.

Dude jams GORDON'S knife tha fuck into a table behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Ready ta go, Dean?

 **DEAN**  
Not yet. I guess dis is peace out. Well, itz been real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.   
(Dude hits GORDON, knockin his ass up in his chair ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam clears his cold-ass throat.)  
Okay. I be phat now, nahmeean, biatch? We can go.

EXT. FARM - DAY

As they exit tha farmhouse, both wince at they recent fuck-ups - SAMz left arm is wrapped up in a funky-ass bandage. DEAN stops, settin his dirty ass on his wild lil' feet like a funky-ass boxer.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, biatch? Clock me one.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I won't even hit you back. Letz go.

 **SAM  
** No.

 **DEAN  
** Letz go, you git a gangbangin' freebie yo. Hit me, come on.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass be lookin like you just went twelve roundz wit a funky-ass block of cement, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be bout ta take a raincheck.

 **DEAN  
** I wish we never took dis thang. It aint nuthin but jacked every last muthafuckin thang up. 

 **SAM  
** What do you mean?

 **DEAN  
** Think bout all tha hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives.

 **SAM  
** Okay.

 **DEAN  
** What if we capped thangs dat didn't deserve cappin', biatch? Yo ass know, biatch? I mean, tha way Dad raised us... 

 **SAM  
** Dean, afta what tha fuck happened ta Mom, Dad did tha dopest his schmoooove ass could.

 **DEAN  
** I know da ruffneck done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But tha playa wasn't slick fo' realz. And tha way he raised us, ta don't give a fuck bout dem thangs; n' dude, I don't give a fuck bout 'em. I do. When I capped dat vampire all up in tha mill I didn't even be thinkin bout it; hell, I even enjoyed dat shit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass didn't bust a cap up in Lenore. 

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shiznit yo, but every last muthafuckin instinct holla'd at mah crazy ass to. I was gonna bust a cap up in her n' shit. I was gonna bust a cap up in 'em all. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah, Dean yo, but you didn't fo' realz. And thatz what tha fuck matters. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Well, 'cause you a pain up in mah ass. 

 **SAM  
** Guess I might gotta stick round ta be a pain up in tha ass, then.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks.

 **SAM  
** Don't mention dat shit.

SAM gets up in tha passengerz side; DEAN stares off tha fuck into tha distizzle fo' a moment before climbin up in n' rollin away.


End file.
